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Relationships Are the Key to Career Strength
What’s the most important thing to learn if you want to advance your career? How to foster, develop, and manage relationships effectively.
In today’s emerging right-brain economy, the hard skills taught in schools provide only the baseline of what is required in most professions. Professionals who have the edge — those singled out for high-potential programs — are also skilled at forging meaningful relationships.
The adage “No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care” has never been more relevant.
While a good education is important, it’s no longer enough. Today’s leaders need to add the development of emotional competencies to their professional learning agenda.
Leadership Skills for the 21st Century
The ability to engage in meaningful dialogue, to interact with other people effectively, and to be emotionally savvy are, in fact, the leadership abilities that will be more and more highly valued in the future.
The good news is that these skills can be developed.
Smart and engaged leaders who pay attention to improving these human connection skills are the candidates most likely to be hired or promoted. Regardless of what sector you work in – for profit, nonprofit, government, or education, the ability to connect and communicate is an important leadership capacity of the future.
Several research studies now bear out the added value of emotional competence:
• In one study, researchers measured whether a master’s degree made a difference in the quality of a teacher’s classroom performance, as measured by children’s achievements. The results: Neither a teaching certificate nor advanced degree separated the best educators from the average teachers.
- In another study, Dr. Wendy Levinson, an international expert in the field of physician-patient relationships, examined why some doctors who made mistakes got sued and others didn’t. She found that patients filed lawsuits against doctors they didn’t like, while well-liked physicians were not sued.
- Numerous studies confirm that physicians who avoid lawsuits take a little more time to talk with their patients — about three minutes more — than physicians who do get sued. Further, the quality of doctor-patient interactions has a tremendous impact on potential litigation.
- When researchers reviewed surgeons’ conversations with patients solely on the basic of tone of voice, the doctors whose voices sounded more concerned and less dominant were less likely to be sued. Conversely, when surgeons’ voices were perceived as dominant, they were more likely to be sued.
- In the end, the outcome seems to depend on respect, which in its simplest form is communicated through tone of voice. And by adding a few minutes of conversation, doctors strengthen the value of their interactions — an outcome that professionals in all industries should strive to achieve.
Training Leaders for Future Complexities
Many professional development programs focus on the individual and self-improvement, or on managing teams and influencing groups of people. Thousands of managers receive training each year, with an emphasis on leading others. When you have these opportunities, make sure that an important component of your study, training, and coaching includes a focus on how to develop interpersonal relationships and dialogue skills.
The best managers in the world are not only experts in systems, processes and technical competencies; they’re also proficient at managing emotions – their own and others’.
“As a leader moves up in an organization, up to 90 percent of their success lies in emotional intelligence,” notes Daniel Goleman, author of Social Intelligence (2006).
In other words, nine out of ten executives who fail lack emotional competencies. A leader’s most valuable currency is relationships, emotional capital and the ability to connect with others.
The Boss Is Last
Sadly, most people’s experience with bosses falls short.
A Princeton University study explored how individuals felt about spending time with associates. Interactions with clients and customers topped the list, followed by interchanges with coworkers. Interactions with the boss came in last — rated, on average, as less enjoyable than cleaning the house.
The Gallup Organization conducted a famous study of workplace attitudes, asking 8 million people to respond to the following statement: “My supervisor, or someone at work, seems to care about me as a person.”
The results show that people who agree with this statement:
- Are more likely to stay with an organization
- Have more engaged customers
- Are more productive
Perhaps you’ve had a similar experience. When a boss treats you with respect and cares about your life, you feel more enthusiastic and committed to your work.
We spend 50 percent more time with our customers, coworkers and bosses than we do with our friends, significant others, children and other relatives combined. To be sure, finding a few strong office relationships will help anyone become more engaged and productive.
Combining Smarts with Heart
Human connectivity requires the right combination of IQ (intelligence) and EQ (emotional intelligence). Unless you can connect with colleagues and clients at a deep level, bringing both your professional expertise and emotional commitment to relationships, you will not advance in your career as quickly or as far as you desire.
IQ can help people get hired, but EQ is often referenced when people get promoted. Leaders who are rewarded with promotions demonstrate both smarts and heart.
To improve your leadership potential, start talking. Have meaningful, authentic, and real conversations. Develop your personal relationships with colleagues and customers. Show your expertise, but show you care even more. If necessary, work with a professional coach to develop and improve your conversational and interpersonal skills.
Should you gain diverse experience? Specialize? Go back to school for an advanced degree? Attend workshops? Get a coach? Yes, those can all be good ideas, but through all your skill building and experience gaining, make sure you are also developing those relationship muscles – authentic dialogue and understanding and caring about those around you.
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Yes! You may use this article by TheCoachingAssociation.com Executive Director Barbara Demarest in your company newsletter, blog or website as long as you add the following bio box:
Barbara Demarest (www.barbarademarest.com) received her MBA from the Babcock School of Management at Wake Forest University and her BA from Duke University. After 20 years at the Center for Creative Leadership, Barbara launched a strategy consulting practice focusing on people leading change in associations, foundations, universities, nonprofits and knowledge businesses. You can find Barbara’s executive coaching profile on www.thecoachingassociation.com.
50 Tweetable Ideas
Jessica Swanson has been running a number of webinars and email blasts about practical tools for small businesses. The last few weeks she has focused on Twitter. I thought this list of 50 things to Tweet about might be helpful to pass along.
50 Tweet-able Ideas
Guest Author: Jesscia Swanson
Share a cool, new tool that you just discovered.Always Be Networking: Advice from Passport2Success
Another run of the speed consulting program for job seekers was sponsored and coordinated by WFMY-TV on May 5, 2010. Many career coaches in the Piedmont Triad area of North Carolina volunteered their time. Here’s a little snippet of video that I contributed between one on one sessions with people looking for advice on their career transitions.
Listening – the Key to Reaching Just About Anyone
In my various roles – strategy consultant, executive coach, mother of teen-aged boys, Board volunteer – I’ve run into people I don’t understand and with whom I can’t find common ground. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, you’re stumped. In talking with colleagues about this phenomenon, we could all describe what happens: there are attempts at persuasion, logic, pleading, and bargaining. And you hope you don’t slide into anger as you begin to speak louder, persuade harder, encourage, cajole, argue and push. The end result is just greater confusion and greater resistance.
In times such as these, it helps to be reminded that active listening – when you mirror and reflect back to people what you hear – offers the best chance of reaching someone.
Mark Goulston’s Persuasion Cycle
In Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone, psychiatrist Mark Goulston explains that persuasion moves through a cycle:
- From resisting to listening
- From listening to considering
- From considering to willing to do
- From willing to do to doing
- From doing to glad they did and continuing to do
Buy-in begins when people move from resisting to listening to considering what you’re saying. How do you get a person to go from the critical stage of resisting to listening? First, you listen to them.
The Three-Part Brain
Our brains evolved from lower animals:
- Our primitive reptilian brain remains responsible for split-second survival reactions (i.e., the “freeze, fight or flight” response). Early in my career, I remember a mentor pointing out to me that there was a certain work situation that consistently sent me back to my reptilian brain. Wow, that was tough to hear, but I knew exactly what he meant when he said it – stimulus and response and nothing else.
- The middle mammalian brain is the seat of emotions, where the inner drama queen reigns. This brain can be overwhelming sometimes. Completely taking over.
- The upper primate/human brain weighs a situation logically and generates a conscious plan of action. It collects data from the reptile and mammal brains, analyzes it, and makes practical, ethical decisions.
To a small extent, these three brains work together, but they also function independently, especially under stress. This is what happens when people shift, becoming difficult and hard to reach.
The Amygdala Hijack
The amygdala is a part of the brain that processes memory and emotional reactions (especially fear and anger).
When it takes over, the primitive reptile brain runs the show, and surges of adrenaline keep us from thinking clearly over the next few minutes — an effect that may take hours to fade.
The term “amygdala hijack,” first coined by psychologist Daniel Goleman, author of the 1995 best seller, Emotional Intelligence, refers to what happens under acute stress.
When you try to reason with someone in a full amygdala hijack, you’re wasting your time. You must speak to him before the hijack occurs — or talk him down from it using empathy.
Mirror Neurons
Years ago, when scientists were studying Macaque monkeys’ brains, they found that specific nerve cells fired when the monkeys threw a ball or ate a banana. To their surprise, these same cells fired when one monkey watched another perform these acts.
When the brain’s “mirror neurons” fire, we have the ability to feel what the other person is experiencing. These cells are nature’s way of teaching us to care about other people.
Goulston suggests that many of us suffer a “mirror neuron receptor deficit.” CEOs and managers feel they give their best, only to be met day after day with apathy, hostility, or worse, no response at all. Their brains don’t get enough mirror neuron receptor activity. In other words, there’s not enough empathy going around the office.
Move from “Uh-oh” to “OK”
In a stressful encounter, you may have less than two minutes to gain control and salvage the situation.
Goulston recommends a five-step mental process, whether you’re dealing with a fender-bender, enraged teenager or work situation:
- “Uh-Oh!” (Reaction Phase): “This is a disaster. I’m in trouble. It’s all over.”
- “Oh, No!” (Release Phase): “This is a huge mess. I’m stuck with it. Why me?”
- “Oh, Jeez!” (Re-Center Phase): “I can fix this, but it’s not going to be fun.”
- “Oh, Well…” (Refocus Stage): “I’m not going to let this ruin my career/day/relationship. Here’s what I need to do right now to make it better.”
- “OK.” (Reengage Phase): “OK, I’m ready to fix this. Let’s go.”
Rewire Yourself to Listen
Many of us don’t listen well, especially when it comes to the people we deal with regularly. We’ve gotten used to their patterns and their perspectives and we think we already know what they’re going to say.
When we size people up instantly, we form some pretty good first impressions. The problem is, these impressions last forever, and many are a jumbled mix of fact, fiction, prejudice and unconscious intuitions.
We use filters to put people in mental boxes before we really know them based on things like: gender, age, ethnicity, education level, accent, appearance, mannerisms, etc. Really listening means checking those filters to make room for what someone is saying.
Make the Other Person Feel “Felt”
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes so you can change the dynamics of a relationship. In that instant, you “get” each other, and this breakthrough leads to cooperation, collaboration and effective communication.
When you mirror what another person feels, she’s hardwired to mirror you in return. When you say, “I understand what you’re feeling” — and you mean it — she will feel grateful and, in return, express her appreciation with a desire to understand you. It’s an irresistible biological urge that pulls another person toward you.
Phrases for Difficult Conversations
Here are some suggested phrases to help someone feel “felt”:
“I’m trying to get a sense of what you’re feeling. I think it’s (fill in an emotion). Is that what you’re feeling?” Listen without judgment or comment.
“What are you feeling?”
“How frustrated (angry, upset, etc.) are you?” Allow the person to vent.
“And the reason you’re so frustrated (angry, upset) is because (repeat back to them what they’ve told you).” Again, let the person vent.
“Tell me, what needs to happen for that feeling to be better?” Listen without judgment or argument.
“What part can I play in making this happen? What part are you willing to play?”
These are just some common ideas about listening. The point is to use these phrases as a way to practice and as a guide. To take our listening skills beyond the intuitive takes focus and practice – just like any other skill you want to improve.
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Yes! You may use this article by TheCoachingAssociation.com Executive Director Barbara Demarest in your company newsletter, blog or website as long as you add the following bio box:
Barbara Demarest (www.barbarademarest.com) received her MBA from the Babcock School of Management at Wake Forest University and her BA from Duke University. After 20 years at the Center for Creative Leadership, Barbara launched a strategy consulting practice focusing on people leading change in associations, foundations, universities, nonprofits and knowledge businesses. You can find Barbara’s executive coaching profile on www.thecoachingassociation.com.
12 Reasons Your Small Business Needs Twitter
Twitter is a powerful tool for small businesses, consultants, nonprofits, and individuals. This post by guest author Jessica Swanson is a helpful checklist if you are looking for some reasons to try out Twitter. My only caveat is that social media is labor intensive and can therefore cost you time even if it doesn’t cost you money. See what you think of Jessica’s ideas.
Guest Author: Jessica Swanson
As a small business owner, you’ve undoubtedly heard that your business needs to have a strong Twitter presence. So, you have dutifully signed up for a Twitter account, have a some followers and have even sent out a few Tweets. Now, you’re wondering how in the world Twitter will actually help your business.
Here are 12 reasons why your small business needs to be on Twitter:
1) Build Authenticate Relationships. Twitter allows you to begin building authentic relationships with your prospects, clients and customers. As a small business owner, strong customer relationships are one of your greatest assets.
2) Share Your Expertise. If you provide valuable, interesting and compelling Tweets, you will begin positioning yourself as an expert in your particular field and industry.
3) Generate Traffic To Your Website. As you build a strong presence on Twitter and offer valuable Tweets, your followers will begin to take notice of you. Consequently, they’ll naturally want to visit your profile to learn more about you and your small business.
4) Obtain Qualified Leads For Your Business. If your Twitter profile gives your followers a compelling reason to visit your landing page or website, they will take action. Make sure that your landing page is set up to collect their name and email address (in exchange for a free downloadable offer) to begin building your list.
5) Allow Others To Spread Your Ideas. As others retweet your quotes, ideas and strategies, your ideas are spread to hundreds, even thousands, of fresh, new eyes around the world.
6) Extend The Reach Of Your Brand. If your Tweets are filled with expert tips, advice and strategies, Twitter becomes an amazing tool for establishing a strong presence for your brand.
7) Discover The Latest “Buzz” About Your Company. What’s the buzz about you and your company? If you subscribe to www.TweetBuzzer.com you can keep abreast of everything that is said about you in the Twitter world.
8) Get In Front Of High Profile Individuals. There is simply no better way than Twitter to connect with high-profile individuals. As long as a high-profile individual follows you back, they have access to your Tweets. Think of all the possibilities!
9) Track Your Competition. Twitter is a wonderful way to keep an eye on what your competitors are doing. As a marketer, it’s imperative to understand what is happening in your industry, and your competitors are a great place to start.
10) Conduct Market Research. Big companies pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to perform market research. But, through Twitter, you can perform market research for free! Through the use of quizzes, polls and surveys, you can discover, first-hand anything that you want to know about your target market.
11) Keep Current Within Your Industry. As a small business owner, it’s essential to keep current with the latest trends in your industry. You can subscribe to the Tweets of bloggers, PR professionals and others Twitterers connected to your industry to stay fresh and updated.
12) It’s FREE. As a Shoestring Marketer, there’s nothing better than tapping into a low-cost, high-impact marketing tool to help build your small business.
So, take the time to build your Twitter presence, tap into its power and build your small business on a shoestring marketing budget!
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Jessica Swanson, “The Shoestring Marketer,” has helped entrepreneurs, all over the world, explode their businesses using cutting-edge, proven and completely free marketing strategies. To receive your FREE Shoestring Marketing Kit, which has helped thousands of entrepreneurs, just like you, learn the exact techniques for marketing their businesses for no-cost, visit: www.ShoestringMarketingKit.com
